CLICK HERE FOR BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND MYSPACE LAYOUTS »

Minggu, 27 Desember 2009

This Year's Last Posting. *Happy Christmas!*

Hi blog. It's me again. Before I start talking about something else, I just wanna say
HAPPY CHRISTMAS!! GBU all~ X)
sorry I was late to tell this. but anyway, don't you think it's a bit weird that I typed 'happy' instead of 'merry'? well, if you don't know it yet, people from USA said merry and british people said happy. But I didn't typed 'happy' because I wanna follow the british culture (though british english is very unique and the accent is unbelievebly sexy. lol). I just think that happy is a more sutable word to be paired with christmas. when I hear the word 'merry', I think about party, gathering of people. It describes a situation where there's a lot of celebration. I'm not here to preach you or anything, and I'm not saying that celebration is a bad thing, but please! that's completely contast with the origin of christmas itself! what about people that is fighting to survived on the streets? what about people who can't even say to their children that they don't have anymore money to buy food? can they say 'merry'? so I think 'happy' is the right word to say.. and that's what christmas is about. christmas is about the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. And even if you got a whole bunch of troubles, you can still feel the joy that it brings.
OK, I guess that's all about christmas.. man, what got into me, until I can write all of this. haha
Moving to the next highlight then..
You know, this post is a new inovation for me. This is the first post that was written first on my mobile phone then copied to the web on computer. Why, you asked, did I do such useless thing? Well, that's because I have a weirder sleeping disorder lately. I rarely sleep at night now. Not because I don't want to, but because I'm having such weird dreams, they make me fell so uncomfortable while I sleep. I ended up waking up for several times during the nights. You know that feeling when you're sleeping but it's like your mind is still running so you got the feeling that you're still awake? Yeah, that's what I feel every night. EVERY NIGHT. It really sucks, because now I live like bats. I wake up at nights and sleep at afternoons. I hope this would all just stop. Maybe I should eat some sleeping pills or something..
By the way, I tried to go on detox yesterday. It got screwed up big time. rofl =P. Well,, it actually started of great. I woke up at 11 so I don't have to eat breakfast, then my mother give me some steamed carrot for me to eat. At first I really like the carrots. I felt sweet. But after half of it, I started to hate the taste. It's really really weird. But I ate three quarters anyway. then my mother gave me the biggest fuji apple I've ever seen. And I don't know if it's breaking the rule or not, but I also drink a glass of cold milk too. The first drop of the milk is like seeing an oasis in the desert. haha, OK, maybe I exagerated, but it really does taste good. After that I decided to go for a nap. I woke up about 3 hours later and I really felt sick at that time. my throat is sore, my lips are dry, and my stomach kinda hurt. After about 30 minutes, of struggling, I just lost it. I ran to my mother's room to grab korean instant noodles and cooked it right away. After I finnished eating it, I saw that my father is eating gado-gado and tahu telor. So I just dig in to that too.. To sum up, my detox was a complete failure. lol.
By the way, I think this would be the last post for the year.. I'm going to malaysia on the 29th and will be returned on january the 2nd. Thank you for listening to me fussing and whinning for this whole year. I hope you can deal with me again next year. lol.
I guess I'll be off now. starting to get sleepy. nighty-night my sweet blog.. ^^


N.B. my mother just barge in to my room. I thought she was just checking if I'm already asleep, but then she went into my sister's room. Thank God I need to pee suddenly(my room doesn't have restroom so I have to go to my sis's), coz when I got to the room, my mother just flip out and trying to hide something from me. I didn't see it, but I got a very strong feeling when I see the color and how small the thing my mother took. She directly got out from my sister's room, still trying to hide it, and I followed her. She got to her room and tried to closed the door, but I just pushed the damn thing open and I took it from my mother's hands. It was my sister's cell phone.
me and my sister's SO CALLED mother is trying to read every sms and calls from my sister's phone. How snoopy is that??!? ->(snoopy as in 'kepo' in indonesian, not snoopy the dog. =P)
After I got the phone I ran to my room and locked the door immediately because my mother's chasing me.
Now I remembered she and my sister had a big fight about a month ago because my sister saw two missed calls on 4 a.m.(!!!) from her cell to the stupid ridiculous guy that my mother tries to set her up with. My sister clearly said that she doesn't like him from the very begining. And he doesn't seem to be intrested too with my sister (besides the fact that he told his parents that he like my sister. or does his parents tries to set him up too?? ugh, I don't care which, both just make his parents stupid and ridiculous too). At first my mother lied to save her ass. But, as always, her stories changed everytime she tells it and she finally confessed that she "accidentally" called him. twice.
So this means tonight is not the first time my mother stole my sister's cell. and to think that it happened since about a month ago. Seriously, WHAT IS HER PROBLEM??!? She doesn't have the right to do that, even if she's our mother. HUMAN NEEDS PRIVACY. She always meddle on everthing (and by everything, I mean, EVERYTHING) in our live but this is completely over the line.
hmm, I think I'm going to have a new phobia if this keeps on.. Right now I'm already terrified that I'm gonna go through the exact same thing when I'm 22 or so and don't have a boyfriend. But, I already decide that if it does happen, I'm gonna move out immediately. I will be working by then and I can take my own steps. Or maybe I'll be working on other country coz all my dad talks about now is sending me off to aussie for univ.. One way or another, I will not just stand by if I'm treated like how my sister is treated now.
OK, I think I'm too excited to write about this.. It was supposed to be a note and it's probably longer that the actual post. maybe I should rethink on when I could use the term 'N.B.' on this blog..
alrighty then, this time's for real. I'm off now. But I don't think I'll be sleeping a view moments after this. my mother's still checking every now and then if I'm asleep yet so she can continue.. ugh, I don't even know what it's called.

you know what, this is just to much for me. I need some sleep.
bye.
muachh
-k ^^

Minggu, 13 Desember 2009

A letter for my brother

Dear brother,
I wish you were here. Today is a very special day. Today is the day of my baptism confirmation. Today I renewed my oath that I will only serve God, and God only.. I was so scared.
I wish you were here, so you're the one whom accompanied me to church and help me practice to say what to say correctly.
I wish you were here, so you could say that I have to calm down, that there's nothing to be afraid of.
I wish you were here, so you could hold my hand when I almost cried because I was so overwhelmed.
I wish you were here, so I wouldn't feel so alone on the ceremony.
I wish you were here, so you could watch me and my friends sing our hearts out as a gift to God.
I wish you were here, so you could just walk towards me and smile nonchalantly when the ceremony's finished to hug and congratulate me.
I wish you were here, so we could take a picture together after the ceremony.
I wish you were here, so we could eat and laugh together with our whole family at our home.
I wish you were here, so you would backed me up and calmed me down when one of the peeps upset me.
I wish you were here, and you would remember to turn the timer on my air conditioner's so I wouldn't feel scorching and went to our parents' room to cool down.
I wish you were here, so you could watch movies with me earlier.

I really wish you were here...
But you're not.
'cause you don't even exist...

So I'm just gonna petend that you are here. I'm gonna pretend that you're with me the whole time today. I'm gonna pretend that you were at the church too, and you smiled at me everytime I turned back. and I'm gonna pretend that I didn't cried because I wish you were there.
And I'm gonna pretend that you are here, right here, right now. And you are asking why am I taking so long with the computer. Then you realize that I'm writing on my blog and tries see what's it about. And you're so excited-and a bit proud-when you know that you're the one I writes about. You try to type something too but I just push you with my elbow then I pout and tell you to just sit properly. And now you hug me and smile as I type this. And you said that it's late and I really need some sleep. And you wanna know something? I think I'm gonna follow your advice.

Sweat dreams,
your little sister
P.S. you are punished because you're such a busy-body, wanting to know what's on my post. So you'll have to accompany me to sleep. And you can't fall asleep until I do. So you have to try and make me fall asleep before you sleep yourself. What? you're asking me how?? I don't know. maybe tell bedtime stories and sing lullaby to me? Or maybe just hug me and say that you will always be with me even after I fall asleep, and still be here for me when I wake up. That's enough for me. In fact, that's more than enough. That is all that matters...

Selasa, 08 Desember 2009

sleeping disorder=great instinct?

hi. really in the mood for blogging recently.. lol
I'm doing quite well on the final test until now and there's some highlight that I wanna share.. First is about my sleeps. well,, you can't really say it's a sleeping disorder. it's just a sleeping problem that always occur around tests weeks like now.. It actually started because of my laziness. I always wait until about 11 o'clock at night to study and I always end up falling asleep at about 1 o'clock in the morning and I only study about one fifth of the materials. I know it's stupid, but I keep doing it anyway. It's like my brain refuse to be filled with anything until night time. so I'm trying to make things right today or I'm gonna be sick because I don't get any proper sleep this week. So I'm gonna try to finish this post quickly and have a nice nap. X)

There's actualy something that I really need to tell.. you know, I think my instinct became extremely sharp recently.. I had this crazy expiriences regarding this subject. The first time happened while I was doing history test. The teacher gave us fill in the blanks question and I don't know one of the answers. The question asked about the name of the agreement which said portuguese must go to the north and spain got the south. I completely forgot to study that part so I really got no clue about the answer. So I just thought of cool and elegant name for the agreement like "victoria" or "rose". But while I was thinking about the made-up name,, there was this voice suddenly in my head saying "saragosa.. the answer is saragosa..". I was like 'what? isn't saragosa one of a name from WW1 or something?' but that voice keep saying "it's saragosa.. just answer it.. you don't know the answer, do you? and you know all the names you're making is not the right answer. why don't you give it a shot? if you're being persistent and the answer is saragosa, you're gonna regret it big time..". And so I answered "Saragosa Agreement". I checked the answer as soon as I finished doing the test. And guess what?? The answer IS the saragosa agreement. I'm still a bit shock until right now about it.. how could I think of the name saragosa? I clearly remember that I didn't get to that part because I fell asleep. Is it possible that my subconsciousness woke up and study while I was sleeping?? That's wayyy freaky.. So I guess I'm just gonna think of it as a miracle from God.. X)
The second expirience was almost the same with the first. But it was on geography test and I forgot the term of a bump in the ocean that was made due of a volcano eruption. I already write 'child of a volcano' on the paper when the same thing happened again.. the voice said "Atol.. the term's Atol..". But somehow I didn't believe it (my consciousness?) and just go with my own answer.. But again, when I checked, the answer's "Atol".. oh well..

Oh,, and there's also something a bit stupid happened yesterday.. I was just going downstairs with my friends when I saw O was chatting with his friends. then I reallized that he cut his cool hair! that hair was one of the reason I had a crush on him and he cut it! bummer. but on the bright side I guess it would be easier to forget him.. Anyway,, I told my friends and they wanna look too.. And as they were looking, U came down.. with her. I guess it's really on again with them.. 'twas suck seeing them laughing together like that. ohh,, I don't know..
erhm,, anyway.. U was coming down and I spontaniously shouted (well, not very loud of course.. and it was time to go home, so it was a noisy place) "you see??? he's not that cute anymore because of his new haircut..". U turned his head to me almost dirrectly after I said that, but I don't really know if he heard me or not.. But because of his sudden movement and he was standing right next to me when that happened, my face turned all red, and it's my friends' turn to shout. They said "Your face is red!!", and this time, He definitely turned his head to me.. I don't really know what to react to the occation. What does he think about that? Does he think that I still have feelings for him or does he think that I already find someone else? I think it's pretty clear that he's now return to chasing her.. but somehow I feel that he's still on a crossroad, just like me.. But with him leaving the school next year to follow his brother's footsteps (stinkin' footsteps.. why can't he erase his footsteps so U can't see it? Why can't U MAKE his own steps??? stupid brothers..), I know I really need a closure right away. But I really don't want one.. hmphh.. He really is the greatest puzzle I've ever met.

OK I guess that all for today.. I'm really really really really sleepy right now..
wish me luck on having a great nap X). bubye~

Sabtu, 05 Desember 2009

tests are here

hi. it's been a long time..
haven't written a post in a while.. haven't written it in english in a longer time..
the final tests are here already.. man, time goes by so fast, doesn't it?
many things had happened recently.. you know, both SMILE and DIRECTOR are finished.. both of 'em are school events which I organised with my friends.. SMILE is school's sport league and DIRECTOR is teachers' day. All of us had our ups and downs but it all ended awesome. And there're also much drama for director.. you know, with the prelonged final test and all.. And there's also a huge fight with the junior high school teachers minutes before the show begins.. It was soooo intense. You see, the teachers' day was supposed to be held on tuesday, but due of the prelonged test, it was postponed to thursday.. Turned out the junior high had a religious service before director started and our decoration seemed to be 'in the way'. you know, although the auditorium looked a bit empty because not many decoration was put, but some of us worked until almost midnight at the auditorium!!! seriously! anywho,, one of the teacher from junior high (sapto!) started to tie our very-fragile black drapes and moving things up without telling any of the comittee. when we asked what was he doing, he started yelling at us and blaming us.. He said if we want to get the students out fast then all of the decoration must be put aside becouse they were in the way.. one of my friend was being persistent that the equipments couldn't be moved just like that and both of them ended up fighting.. then my friend ot really angry and said that today we were celebrating teachers' day so how could we respect him if he's acting like that. Then the teacher-which already turn around-go back and pull my friend's shirt while shouting 'you wanna fight??!?' thennn,, he kick my friend.. on the crotch.. after that all of us which earlier was still startled with the arguement started to move. the junior's teachers' calmed him and all of us calmed my friend.. After that three of the teachers talked t o us.. well, I thought they wanna apologize for his rude behavior but they just wanna scold us some more.. one of the teacher who talked a lot even pry up the school's motto for this year, being humble, and said that we were lack of it because we didn't know better that the teacher's short temperred and chalenged him instead. That's right, WE were blamed because HE kicked our friend. I mean, what kind of teacher is that?? first they didn't even say anything when one of their colleague clearly said and done something rude to a student, then they blamed us for what happened with many absurd excuses! AND THEY DIDN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE AT ALL!!! They want their students be hitmans or something??? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BELOVED JUNIOR HIGH???
Anyway, we told what happened to a teacher immediately and this case is gonna be proccessed. well,, despite of the huge fight,, the event's pretty much a success.. It got screwed up in the begining a bit though,, but it ended well.. And we didn't even rehearsed.. so the whole event was done spontaniously. lol

Lately I'm being more confused than usual.. My eyes also got wilder and stared every potentially cute guys around me. Well,, I guess my story between me and him has definitely gone to the dumpster.. He won't even looked at me anymore.. I thought I'd forget him too.. But somehow yesterday I dreamt that he found someone else, and I woke up crying.. What happened to me?? I don't think my heart still beating fast when he's around but why did I cry at the thought of him being with someone else?
I'm also being more and more short-temperred recently.. I also critic everything. And by everything, I mean EVERYTHING. But mainly other people's behaviour. I've began to feel that all of my friends have drifted away, sick of my bad behavior.. I'm scared.. But I'm also confused. If they won't accept me and my weakness, why should I even try accept theirs? But if I don't try, they will be ruder and ruder, and I will have worse attitude.. and it goes over and over like that until somebody confront me and nobody wants to be my friend anymore.. *sigh* high school is hard isn't it?

Well,, I guess that all for today.. I've commited to study a bit for monday's test.. and they are also assignment that was supposed to be due on friday.. oh well..

Bonne nuit.
-K