A letter for my brother

Dear brother,
I wish you were here. Today is a very special day. Today is the day of my baptism confirmation. Today I renewed my oath that I will only serve God, and God only.. I was so scared.
I wish you were here, so you're the one whom accompanied me to church and help me practice to say what to say correctly.
I wish you were here, so you could say that I have to calm down, that there's nothing to be afraid of.
I wish you were here, so you could hold my hand when I almost cried because I was so overwhelmed.
I wish you were here, so I wouldn't feel so alone on the ceremony.
I wish you were here, so you could watch me and my friends sing our hearts out as a gift to God.
I wish you were here, so you could just walk towards me and smile nonchalantly when the ceremony's finished to hug and congratulate me.
I wish you were here, so we could take a picture together after the ceremony.
I wish you were here, so we could eat and laugh together with our whole family at our home.
I wish you were here, so you would backed me up and calmed me down when one of the peeps upset me.
I wish you were here, and you would remember to turn the timer on my air conditioner's so I wouldn't feel scorching and went to our parents' room to cool down.
I wish you were here, so you could watch movies with me earlier.

I really wish you were here...
But you're not.
'cause you don't even exist...

So I'm just gonna petend that you are here. I'm gonna pretend that you're with me the whole time today. I'm gonna pretend that you were at the church too, and you smiled at me everytime I turned back. and I'm gonna pretend that I didn't cried because I wish you were there.
And I'm gonna pretend that you are here, right here, right now. And you are asking why am I taking so long with the computer. Then you realize that I'm writing on my blog and tries see what's it about. And you're so excited-and a bit proud-when you know that you're the one I writes about. You try to type something too but I just push you with my elbow then I pout and tell you to just sit properly. And now you hug me and smile as I type this. And you said that it's late and I really need some sleep. And you wanna know something? I think I'm gonna follow your advice.

Sweat dreams,

your little sister

P.S. you are punished because you're such a busy-body, wanting to know what's on my post. So you'll have to accompany me to sleep. And you can't fall asleep until I do. So you have to try and make me fall asleep before you sleep yourself. What? you're asking me how?? I don't know. maybe tell bedtime stories and sing lullaby to me? Or maybe just hug me and say that you will always be with me even after I fall asleep, and still be here for me when I wake up. That's enough for me. In fact, that's more than enough. That is all that matters...