holiday is over. :) :(

hari ini hari terakhir libuuurrrr
hmm, sebenernya gw pengen nulis blog selama libur c.. Cma tuh kmaren keluarga gw (baca: bokap, cici, n cici sepupu gw) tiba2 terobsesi ma game Zuma yg ada di kompi gw. Jdi wkt gw mo bka facebook jga mreka tungguin. Kn ga mungkin dunk gw nulis blog didepan mereka.
Duh, selama liburan gw kurang enjoy nih.. Yep, gra2 spa lgi. Gila y, tuh orang kayaknya uda sukses banget bikin gw gila. selama liburan tuh gw mikirin diaaa,, mulu.. hikz. Gw tkut klo misalnya sebelum liburan dy tuh mank uda pnya sedikit perasaan k gw, liburan yg cukup panjang ini bakalan bikin itu semua ilang. Truz dy balik ngejar2 gebetannya yg lma deh.. jah.
Tpi gw uda dinasehatin jga c ma beberapa orang. Klo misalnya dy mank lupain gw ya biarin aja lah. artinya mank ga jodoh. yahh, tpi kn nyesek di gw jga. bayangin aja, gw udah hampir berhasil lupain dy, gw udah hampir demen ma orang lain, ehh, dianya malah narik gw lgi. sekarang gmna coba? gw bener2 udah jatoh ditangan dy. lagi liburan, bukannya dinikmatin, malah gw abisin bwt mikirin dy.
Tapi, walopun dy ga lupain gw selama liburan ini, ada hal laen yang harus gw pikirin. belakangan ini gw ngerasa ada di dunia yang beda ma dy. yahh, mank uda lama banget c sejak qta terakhir kali ngomong. Tpi belakangan ini makin kerasa aja. Gw ngerasa nga nyambung banget ma temen2 sekitar dia. kayaknya mank mereka kurang suka ma gw deh. Trus, dlu tuh gw berpikir klo dia tuh selama ini cuma nutupin diri dia yang sesungguhnya ke mereka. Gw masih nganggep dia kayak dlu.. kayak waktu SMP. waktu kita berdua masih sama2 berjuang buat diterima. Tapi gimana kalo dia bener2 udah berubah? Gimana kalo dia sekarang bener2 udah jadi salah satu dari mereka? apa gw masih suka ma dy klo kayak gtu?? hmm, mungkin itu gw pikirin nanti. kalo gw udah berkomunikasi lgi ma dy. Kalo juga dapet kesempatan. Kalo engga,, yahh..

huaahh,, tugas gw numpuk nih!! dan hebatnya yang numpuk tuh banyakan bukan tugas pelajaran.
gw harus ngerjain layout buletin.
gw harus bikin KIR.
gw harus bikin poster seni rupa.
harus beresin kamar,
harus beresin lemari..
duh, gimana yaa..

eia.. truz gw lum sempet ke mangdu lgi. hikz2. untung selama di bandung gw beli beberapa barang. Gw udah beli kardigan tangan panjang warna item, tube top, legging panjang, n kaos yg tangannya lebar bahan stengah transparan yang kayaknya lgi ngetrend. Dan gw beli semua oitu kurang dri 300 rbu. gw bener2 shock banget kemaren. Udah biasa belanja di mal yang harga termurahnya 100 rbu c.. kmaren wkt gw liat kardigan yg gw beli harganya cma 89rbu n tube topnya cuma 55rbu, hampir khilaf gw. wkwkwk. ahh, pkknya gw kmaren puas banget belanja. ketemu banyak FO bagus pula. sebenernya awal2nya gra2 go girl tuh. kn gw liat di salah satu artikelnya ada kafe yang kayaknya keren banget. Nmanya Nanny's Pavillion. jdi gw bilang ke bokap gw, gw mo kesana. Nah, gra2 macet banget, jdi gw parkir rada jauh dari tempatnya. dalem perjalanan, cici gw yang udah ngebet ke FO langsung masuk aj ke FO terdekat. nmanya Clover. Di FO itu gw temuin tube top n kardigan gw. Kelar2 gw belanja di Clover, qta langsung jalan ke kafe. Nyampe2, kafenya rame bangeeettt!!! padahal bukan jem makan tuh waktu itu. Akhirnya gw diajakin muter dlu di tempat itu. ternyata Nanny's Pavillion itu cma di berandanya doank. Dalemnya tuh FO. namanya Black Market. Isinya lebih ikutin trend c. N kyknya lbih high fashion jga. tapi harganya mank lebih mahal c.

Huahh,, udahan dulu deh. uda ngantuk gw. tugas belom ada yg gw kerjain lgi. mampus dah..

libur libur libur

libur lebaran telah tibaaa.. mmm, sebenernya udah tiba beberapa ari c.. cm blom mood nulis di blog. wkwkwk. setelah beberapa ari kayak orang ga ada kerjaan di skul akhirnya libur jga.. gila y, kayaknya kelas gw tuh mank uda ga niat skul banget. aura2 males udah menjalar ampe ke guru2nya. yahh, pkknya menurut gw skul n ga skul hampir ga ada bedanya.. gw bosen gilaa.. tpi gw ga tau c, lebih bosen di skul dan ga ngapa2in ato di rumah dan ngapa2in. kontras abis ma anak ipa yang bener2 seneng waktu libur ini. ato jangan2 ank ips yg laen jga seneng?? berarti gw donk yg ga normal???? ahhhh, pusing banget gw. gw ada pe-er apa aja yaa? koq kayaknya ga ada gru yg ngasi pe-er yaa? ato jangan2 ada??

oh ia, gw cerita dlu deh hari2 terakhir gw sebelum libur lebaran. jadi tuh ari kamis gw ampir ga belajar gtu. nyesel jga gw bwa bku banyak2. hampir ga ada yang kepake. soalnya 2 jem pertama grunya hampir ga ngajar dan selama 4 jp berikutnya gw dipanggil rapat. dan 2 jp terakhir lab ing yg bisa dibilang jga ga belajar.

ngomong2 soal rapat, gw mo ngelapor jga soal rapat ROOF yang baru. sekarang namanya uda diganti. jadi DIRECTOR. Dedication of Our Teachers. hmm,, cuma gw yg ngerasa ato emank namanya maksa ga c?? gw kaget loh waktu tiba2 angketnya uda dibagiin. bukannya hal sepenting itu harus dirapatin dulu yaa? truz gw rada keki jga waktu rapat. mmm, mungkin sebaiknya gw ga cerita disini. pkknya gw jdi ngerasa ga enjoy banget deh ikut panitia itu. padahal gw dlu excited banget waktu ditawarin. ROOF taun lalu tuh keren banget. acara itu adalah salah satu acara yang bikin gw berniat buat jadi panitia. gw mau ikut ambil bagian waktu bikin acara sekeren itu.. gw ga nyangka waktu gw uda masuk panitia, ga taunya... ahhh, sudahlah.. mungkin ini jga ngelatih kesabaran gw. gw berdoa aj supaya acaranya bisa sekeren, ato bahkan lebih keren dari taun lalu.

berhubung soal yg diatas jga,, mm, kayaknya gw bakalan ngelamar jdi osis lgi deh taun ini.. masih belom pasti c, gw masih harus liat nilai gw dlu. gw jga harus liat dengan jadwal kepanitiaan gw sekarang, gw masih bisa ngatur waktu ga antara belajar, bersosialisasi, have fun, ngerjain tugas... tapi kalo gw udah mutusin mo ngelamar lgi, yang pasti taun ini gw ga akan dengan begonya salah milih bidang. XP

duhh,, tau ga c,, gw lgi strez banget nih. kayaknya gw mulai ngerasain hal2 yg kayaknya uda lama banget ga gw rasain.. kangeeeennnnnnnn... T.T kayaknya tuh orang bener2 udah berhasil bikin jantung gw idup lgi deh. gw bahkan udah bisa milah2 perasaan gw. seneng, kangen, cemburu.. dlu yang gw rasain cuma sakit. bahkan waktu seharusnya gw seneng, yang gw rasain cuma sakit..

ohh, truz gw jga uda mulai berani liat dia lohh.. wkwkwk. kan tdinya klo dia lgi liatin gw, gw ga berani liat balik. malah akhirnya gw melakukan banyak tindakan bego n konyol. cma sekarang gw uda berani lah lirik2 balik. cma dianya berani banget nihh.. klo gw liatin balik, bukannya dy lsg ngelengos malah dy liatin gw terus.. aaaaaa~~

tpi gw ga tau deh. gw bingung. gw masih ga percaya klo dy sekarang jga ngasih perhatian lebih k gw. apa cuma sampe situ hubungan gw ma dy? cuma sampe perhatian yang sedikit lebih dari orang2 laen? apa ampe lulus gw cuma liat2an terus ama dy? sebenernya sekarang dy tuh kayak gmna c k gw?? dy lgi mikirin gw ga ya sekarang?? dia kangen jga ga ya ama gw???? huaaaaa.. pusinnggggg...

hmmm, sekarang lgu Shy That Way lgi cocok banget nih ma gw..

you know you're stunning, you're absolutely stunning

and I'm running, always running

and now I'm crying and only because I'm caring

and if you were more daring, maybe you stop staring

and come over and talk to me

tell me about how you've been waiting so patiently

and how you tried and I just turned away and I say

yeah, well you know, I'm shy that way...

duhh, kapan gw bisa ngomong lagi ama dy??? huhhhh..

eia. gw lgi ga enak banget nih ma bokap gw. mm, bukan ga enak jga c, mungkin overwhelmed with graditude. kn kmaren gw mo ngestok soft lens gw. berhubung mata gw lgi bengkak banget uda 3 hri ini ga tau kenapa, nyokap gw minta gw beli soft lens yg kualitasnya paling bagus. truz dikasi lah gw merek fresh look. gw kira harganya ga jauh beda lah ma X2 yg biasa gw beli. ga taunya harganya 150 rbu 1 box. parah banget. X2 aja 175 rbu buat 2 box. jadi ada 2 pasang. dan 1 pasangnya bisa dipake 3 bulan. klo fresh look. uda 1 box 150 rbu, 1 pasangnya cma bisa dipake 1 bulan!!!!! parahhh.. truz bokap gw iya2 aja lagi. jdi 300 rbu dy keluarin bwt beli soft lens gw doank. T.T

truz malemnya di hari yang sama, kan gw bis makan diluar, truz didepan restorannya tuh ada stand majalah gtu. kn belakangan ini gw mank sering ngoceh2 soal majalah go girl. nah, waktu di stand itu gw ngeliat majalahnya. waktu gw lgi pegang, ehh tiba2 bokap gw langsung ngebayarin tuh majalah.

yaampunnnnn.. gw jdi ngerasa jdi anak ga berbakti banget. kan itu jga bkan yg pertma kli bokap gw berkorban bwt gw. ngorbanin duit, tenaga, pikiran. truz gw uda ngapain buat orang tua gw?? yang ada malah bikin mereka kesel. ahh, mank anak yang payah nih gw. pkknya gw udah bertekad mo berubah mulai sekarang. X)

eniwei, by the way, busway,, besok gw keluar kota lohh.. wkwkwk. semoga gw ga kebosenan.

ok, bwt ngahirin posting ini, gw mo ngomongin sesuatu. tau Darla di Finding Nemo n Boo di Monster Inc. ga?? cma gw yg otaknya aneh ato mank c darla tuh versi lebih tua n jeleknya boo ga c? ckckck.

Darla

Boo

Eh, ga mirip yaa? ahh, tau ahh. otak gw lgi panas kli.. wkwkwk

au revoir~

k-

Boys vs. Girls

Hari ini gw mo ngebahas sesuatu yang agak menarik. Hmm, mungkin ga terlalu banyak yang bsa gw tulis, tapi dripda gw gatel mo nulis ttg ini terus.. wkwkwk.
Hari ini gw mo nulis ttg perbedaan pikiran cowo dan cewe.. bukan hal yg asing lgi c.. tpi gra2 gw bru ngalamin jga beberapa kejadian, jadi gw tba2 mood tulis deh.. Mmm, gra2 yg gw tulisin bukan dri gw doank, jadi gw jga tulisin sumberny y..

Dari Majalah & Buku..
1. Kalo bilang "Capek"
Artinya bwt cewe: -gw ngantuk. mo tidur.
-gw bosen/uda ga kuat ama keadaan yang sekarang
Kalo bwt cowo: gw mo istirahat

2. soal istirahat

cewe: tidur

cowo: melakukan tindakan yang bikin seger. biasanya ga ngegerakin otot banyak2. tapi bukan tidur.

3. Kalo cowo bilang iya, artinya iya.
Kalo cewe bilang iya, artinya engga.

4. Soal ke WC
Cowo: emang pengen nyetor
Cewe: mau curhat, mau ngaca, mau ngobrol, mau ciprat-cipratan aer,,, dll, dkk, dsb. ohh, dan mungkin mo nyetor jga..

5. Cowo cuma bisa ngelakuin 1 hal di satu waktu. jadi nga ada tuh istilah sambil menyelam minum aer buat mereka. lagi makan ya makan. lagi nonton ya nonton.
Cewe bisa manicure-an sambil nonton TV sambil telpun2an sambil dengerin lagu sambil makan pada waktu yang bersamaan. yang ini udah terbukti ma gw.. wkwkwk

6. Cowo: kalo ditanya tiba2 "kiri ato kanan?!?!!" mereka bisa jawab dengan cepet.
Cewe kalo ditanya pertanyaan yg sama di situasi yang sama harus mikir dulu... dan setelah mikir jga mungkin masih kebalik.. :P


OK, berikutnya mao kasih tau beberapa hal juga...

yg pertma dri miss Nidya.
Cowo tuh suka ngomong ceplas-ceplos n bertindak semaunya. Lama2 kn cewenya ngambek kan.. terus, waktu cowonya sadar n minta maap n cewenya ga mo maapin (gengsi tuhh. wkwk), pasti malah gantian cowonya yang ngambek.. wkwkwk

kedua dari pengalaman gw ma temen gereja gw. dan ini cukup bikin shocking
gw mulai dari cerita dulu deh, baru kesimpulan.

minggu lalu gw disuru jadi usher di gereja bareng temen2 gw. Kn ada yg cowo ada yang cewe tuhh.. Nah, temen gw yg cewe abis di kasi hair remover gtu kakinya, truz waktu kita lagi ngomongin soal itu, tiba2 temen gw yg cowo nimbrung..
Ce: eh, gw bru ksi hair remover loh ke kaki gw
Gw: oya?? ehh.. alus banget jadinya..
Ce: yupp
Co: ihh, bukannya kayak gtu sakit y??
Ce: nga koq, hair removernya ga sakit sama skali. kayak lotion gtu bentuknya..
Co: ngapain c lu ngilang2in gituan?
Ce: kan biar aluuusss..
Co: hah?? buat apaan coba??? (mukanya bener2 bingung n agak shock)
Gw: Mmm,, susah dijelasin lah ke lu.. masalah cewe..
Co: Ohh, yaudah..*senyum* (tampang masih bingung tapi setidaknya udah agak ngerti..)
(30 menit kemudian, yg usher harus bagi2in kertas n pensil. gw lagi nyariin temen gw yang cewe yg tiba2 ilang)
Gw: duh, dia mana c?
Co: tadi kayaknya gw liat dy ke WC deh
Gw: ohh, bentar gw cari.
(gw jalan, truz wktu uda mo sampe WC ketemu ma temen gw yg cewe. tadinya dia pake celana, balik2 pke rok.)
Gw: ehh, uda yuu, qta harus naek.
(balik ke tempat cowo tadi)
Co: dihh, tadi kan lu pke celana, koq tba2 ganti rok c?
Gw: yaiya lah, kan mo muter2 diatas.
Co: ...... Ohh... (kayaknya temen gw uda belajar dari pengalaman pertama. wkwkwk)

Eniwei, inti pengalaman gw adalah....
Cowo tuh BENER2 ga peduli sama penampilan detailnya cewe.
Jadi kalo misalnya diajak ngedate ma cowo, jangan abisin waktu buat nentuin mau pke gelang biru ato gelang ijo, sepatu yg polkadot putih ato garis2, parfum peach ato stroberi, dll, dkk, dsb. cape ati banget ga c klo kejadiannya kayak diatas?? udah kitanya bisa telat, diomelin, ga dipuji2 pula. Asal pake baju maching n cocok bwt suasana pasti dibilang cantik koq.

Ahh, udah deh. capeeee.. belom bikin buletin lagi. mati dah gw..

wit luv,
k-

HAPPY 09.09.09 DAY!!!!!

OK, today's really a MUST blogging momment. ironicly this implicitely say that I think today's more important than the independence day that I forgot completely. (not the day, just to post on that day. you know, celebrating and congratulating and stuff..)
well, there are actually some things I need to update.
firstly,, I've been having some bad dreams recently.
Two days ago, I dreamt that I was kidnapped by some kind of vampire or something like that. The dream happened in some kind of old church in england. Also, I think my hair was pale blonde at that dream. So I don't think I'm being me there. Anyway, while I was kidnapped, the vampire (who has a very sharp and pointy nails, by the way) touched the back of my head and made a motion as if he was brushing my hair. After a while, my head in that dream started to hurt and blood started to drip. I woke up instantly. The scary thing was, when I woke up, the back of my head was painful. Just like if someone scratch some sharp thing onto my scalp. Thankfully it doesn't bleed. Dunno what would happened if it did.
Yesterday, suddenly I felt some kind of pressure on my body while I was sleeping. Then, I don't know if this was part of a dream or it really happened, I woke up and I saw a glance of light-weighted dress just flowing above my bed. Then when I pray, I saw another glance of the same dress flowing, getting out of my room. OK, even if that's a dream, It is BEYOND scary!!!! You know what, I don't want to talk about it anymore.. I'm scared. T.T

Secondly,
I'm getting this semi-constant annoyment from a view things at school this week. Most of it came from one particular person that seems just can't leave me alone. I can't really talk about it so I just pray that God would give me strength and patience throughout the whole thing.

And talk about school, I had some funny expirience too today. but I think the highlight was when I was called for the KIR meeting. It was accounting class and the teacher's name is Mrs. Dwi. I kinda noticed from some time ago that she really likes to say my name 'Dwi', not 'Kirana' like I always write on my test sheet. But today is beyond that. When my friend gave her the permission letter, She said with very loud voice, "Kirana! eh, Dwi!!". Her shout was followed by a loud laughter of my classmates. Well, at least they're not laughing because I've done something foolish. :P

Lastly,,
I think I may have found my first chance to have someone. It's been a roller coaster this view days but I think the stakes are high this time. And I feel kinda weird too. Is this how it feels when you know someone you like likes you back?? Well, whatever it is, it is capable of making me constantly smiling at school earlier. Litterally. I tried to cool it of but the grin just bounce back twice as big. God,, please, please, please, make it work this time. X)
But I gotta tell you, even if it's true that he likes me too, I'm gonna use the old 'pull & loose' for a little while. I need to make sure that he really likes me, vice versa. And I think I want to give him a little revenge for a view very annoying things he's ever done to me. Well, he's not doing that intentionally, I suppose. But part of me says that he did. And a trusted source even said that he's not even serious with her all this time!! Imagine all of my wasted time crying over spilt milk that he's with another girl when there's nothing actually happened between them! So, I think to tease him is the most discreet thing to do.
Even so, I think it's still too early to think that. Can't even count how many times I flew to the highest cloud and turned out it's just my overactive imagination. Like they say, The higher you are, the more pain you feel when you fall.

OK then, I think that's it for today. Happy 09.09.09 day, everyone!!!
*btw, I set the clock to post at 09:09 too. lol.

Yours Truly,
K-

Guess Who

hmm, sebenernya gw lagi kurang mood nulis blog nih. tapi yasudahlah..
eh ia, gw uda tau loh.. ternyata mank bukan dy yg manggil gw waktu itu. hmm, klo gtu spa yaa? tapi gw bingung banget nih. kayaknya gw ga bsa lupain dy gitu aj dh. lagian, klo gw lupain, yg ada gw malah bsa demen ma remora lgi dunk.. uhh, uda keki gw ma dy.. kayaknya bentar lgi gw uda illfeel deh. uda mulai menjadi2 lgi dy.. tadi pke sok buka2 baju lgi dy didepan gw. apa2an c..
Duh, beberapa ari ini kacau banget nih. mulai dari kesabaran gw yg cepet abis ampe banyak hal penting yg gw lupain.
gw lupa kerjain tugas agama, lupa bawa buku sos, lupa bawa buku mat, lupa klo temen gw minta tolong ma gw.. Yang paling parah gw lupa buat minjem cat perancis yg waktu gw ga masuk. Akibatnya fatal, gilaa.. tadi essay prancis gw cengo sama sekali. untung kmaren gw bru bca bku Lost in Love yg 1/2 isinya adalah percakapan di cafe. tapi gw tetep lupa beberapa bagian penting c.. ahh, sudah lah..
truz hari ini gw baru menerima 2 tugas penting loh. gw ditawarin bikin karya tulis kelompok yg bakalan dilombain. kalo nanti kel qta masuk final, nanti qta ke bali.. buat presentasiin apa yg uda qta bikin. kayak semacem sidang skripsi gtu.. duhh, ke balinya c boleh. presentasinya itu loh.. XP truz bis itu gw jga ditawarin jdi dekornya ROOF. klo yang ini c dengan senang hati gw terima.. haha. btw, ROOF tuh taun ini ato taun depan c??
ohh,, truz kmaren.. gw tebak2an ma c Della soal yg dia demen. dy kan kasi petunjuk, truz gw kasih pertnyaan2 n gw harus nebak 3 nama. nah,, abis itu, gw kira c della mo ngasi tau gw. ga taunyaa, gw diboongin!!! antiklimaks banget c.. Della parah ihhh!! pdahal gw uda ngasi tau c nintendo.. tapi dia salah liat c.. wakakakk..
eh iaa.. truz kn kmaren gw cerita soal dia kakinya cedera. gw liat belakangan ini dy jalannya uda normal lgi.. yeaaa~ tapi koq belakangan ini malah kaki gw yg kena bencana mulu y??? duhh, jangan2 sakitnya ketransfer lgi.. yahh,, seengganya dy uda gpp. huaaa,, bener2 pengen ngobrol ma diaaaaa.. hikz2
btw, tadi gempanya parah yakhh.. tdinya kirain gw mau pingsan.. semuanya muter gtu..

Boys. Sport. Heart. (Break?)

Gw bingung ama pikiran cowo.. bner2 bingung.
Kaki dia lagi cedera. Cedera akut. hari minggu lalu gw liat dia cuma pincang dikit. tapi dua hari yang lalu gw liat dia buat naek tangga aja uda pegangan ke sisi tangga n uda keseok2. tangannya juga uda megangin kaki terus. gw kira dia bakal istirahat sampe kakinya sembuh dulu.

tapi tadi gw liat dia paling terakhir naek abis dia pel OR. artinya dia maen dulu ama temen2nya waktu dikasi waktu luang. kenapa dia ga istirahat? gengsi cowo tuh setinggi itu ya? bukan baru kali ini aja gw ngeliat cowo yg tetep maksain OR walopun kakinya cedera hampir permanen. bukan pertama kali gw peratiin ada cowo yang pincang ampe lama banget gra2 maksain kakinya walopun lagi cedera.

huh, tapi mungkin gw berhak ngomong gtu. gw tau klo OR tuh udah kayak shopping ato dandan buat cowo. gw jga tau klo dia mungkin uda tau limit dirinya sendiri. gw jga tau klo pergaulan sekarang bakalan ngata2in, seengga2nya ngegodain seorang cowo klo dia cuma duduk waktu pel OR. Atau mungkin memang dia udah ngerasa lebih baik. Tapi seharusnya dia lebih peratiin dirinya sendiri kan?? Kenapa dia lebih milih nahan rasa sakit yang lebih lama daripada sabar buat nunggu sembuh total? Apa dia ga peduli buat orang2 yang khawatir ngeliat dia begitu??

Sekali lagi, mungkin gw ga berhak ngomong gtu. mungkin kalo dia baca ini, mungkin dia bakalan bilang kalo gw kepo. ikut campur urusan orang. Dia nga minta gw khawatirin. Mungkin dia bakal ketawa kalo tau gw begini, khawatirin dia, orang yang sama sekali gw ga kenal.

Apa gw akan dikasi kesempatan ma Tuhan buat kenal dia? Gw ga bisa begini terus. Gw ga bisa suka orang yang hampir ga gw kenal sama sekali. Gw ga bisa cuma ngereka2 sifat2nya, dan akhirnya jatuh cinta ke bayangan yang gw ciptain di kepala gw.

Apa gw harus lebih berusaha?? Tapi gw udah keilangan semua percaya diri gw, semua keberanian gw buat ngedeketin cowo yg gw suka. Semuanya selalu kacau. selalu. Akhirnya semua malah bikin gw makin terpuruk. semakin lama semakin dalem. Walopun setiap kali gw udah berpikir kalo gw ga akan bisa jatuh lebih dalem lagi.

Apa dia emang ga tepat buat gw? Padahal, gw udah lama ga ngerasa kayak gini ke orang. Ke orang2 yang gw suka sebelumnya, waktu gw ngeliat mereka, yang gw rasain cuma rasa sakit. cuma kesedihan. Tapi waktu gw liat dia,, walopun rasanya samar2, tapi rasanya mirip sama waktu pertama kali gw jatuh cinta. waktu gw kira semuanya masih indah. Waktu gw liat dia, gw ngerasa kalo ada lagi tanda2 kehidupan di hati gw, yang selama ini gw kira udah bener2 mati rasa gra2 terlalu sering ngerasain sakit.

Apa gw masih terlalu naif? Ga tau lah. Tapi gw akan cari kepastian. Apa bener dia yang manggil gw waktu itu.

Tapi walopun iya, gw bisa apa? Walopun beneran dulu gw kenal ma dia, dan 2 bulan lalu dia masih inget dan manggil gw, tapi dia sekarang kayaknya bener2 ga kenal ma gw. Dan dia cuma peratiin gw karena dia sadar kalo gw meratiin dia, bukan gra2 memang dia mau meratiin gw..

Uhh, sudahlah. otak gw udah panas. Gw ga bisa terus buang2 waktu gw buat cowo yang ga berani gw deketin. Yang ga bisa gw dapetin. Kalo memang gw harus lupain dia, pasti gw bisa lupain dia. pasti. Tapi buat sekarang,,...

gw cuma berdoa supaya cederanya bisa cepet sembuh. That's all..

Being number one..

Y'all wanna know something?? I'm so tired of being number two, number eleven, or number I don't know how much. It hasn't really been such a big deal till a view days ago. It was all started when the english teacher announced the scores of the first english test. My tenses got 97 and my reading got 100. Although my classmates almost didn't react when the scores were read, I was pretty happy to heard that. But then, there's a kid who's got 100 for both part, and the class AND the teacher were cheering for that kid. What's up with that?!?!! I just made one stupid and silly mistake in the tenses part and it's like I don't even exist. Since that moment, I suddenly think about many things and I came up with one conclusion. I REALLY WANT to be number one. I want to master something and being able to teach everyone what I can. I want to have a perfect score so that I can prove to everyone what I'm made of. I want to have something that I can be really proud of. And most importantly, I want to be number one in the heart of the person that's also number one in my heart. There's so much that I wanna be, yet I can't seem to make that happen. But you know, yesterday I remembered something.
Two weeks ago, the art teacher gave us a clay project. He told us to make a design, then to make the actual thing by clay precisely according to that design. I think I let my imagination ran too wildly, and I made a design of stacks of boxes and shopping bags (still in shopaholic-mood at that moment). I though I can do it easily, but soon I had problems. I started to ask my friends, "do you think this design is too much?". One of my friend says that it's very hard to make, with all of the details and complicated arangement of the boxes. But then another friend of mine said, "She can do it if she want to..".
Now when I think of it, that comment was probably the highest and the most inspiring compliment I have ever accepted. I CAN do it if I want to. but sometimes I'm just too lazy or too full of excuses. Sometimes I just gave up before even started to do something. So that stops now. From now on, I will be commited of what I'm doing, and that includes writing on this blog. :P

But apart from all of this crap about wanting to be number one, I really don't like it when I'm praised for something I don't deserve. being complimented is one thing. Taking somebody else's credit is a whole other thing. And I get that a lot lately. Like today, when it's time to paint the clay. I though I screwed it up by putting the wrong color to one of the bag and made the whole colors uneven. But somehow the teacher looked at my clay and told some of my art classmates that what I'm making is very good. I would be very happy to have heard that if I though that too. But I don't. Because my friend right next to me made THE most beautiful, the most realistic, the most amazing clay statue I have ever seen. She made a little girl. Her dress was so realistic that you could mistook it as a real fabric. Seriously. And what's more iritating is that some of my classmates came over my table to looked at my clay. Even some of 'em teased me for making 'the best clay statue in the whole class'. This is freakishly confusing. But I guess now it just moved me to really make the best clay statue there is. well, it doesn't really have to be the best. Just something that I can call one of my masterpieces. (remember my mario bros??)

btw, I was told by my friend that I have a very captivated and unique personality. And I can attract MANY boys if I can just loosen up my unreasonable panic attacks. well,,... good luck with that. lol. Also, I don't think I really want to make many boys to like me. I think,, I just want to make ONE particular subject of those sub-species that does. -^^-
Now I just need to figure out how. I mean, I don't even know him.
hmmmm....