Being number one..

Y'all wanna know something?? I'm so tired of being number two, number eleven, or number I don't know how much. It hasn't really been such a big deal till a view days ago. It was all started when the english teacher announced the scores of the first english test. My tenses got 97 and my reading got 100. Although my classmates almost didn't react when the scores were read, I was pretty happy to heard that. But then, there's a kid who's got 100 for both part, and the class AND the teacher were cheering for that kid. What's up with that?!?!! I just made one stupid and silly mistake in the tenses part and it's like I don't even exist. Since that moment, I suddenly think about many things and I came up with one conclusion. I REALLY WANT to be number one. I want to master something and being able to teach everyone what I can. I want to have a perfect score so that I can prove to everyone what I'm made of. I want to have something that I can be really proud of. And most importantly, I want to be number one in the heart of the person that's also number one in my heart. There's so much that I wanna be, yet I can't seem to make that happen. But you know, yesterday I remembered something.
Two weeks ago, the art teacher gave us a clay project. He told us to make a design, then to make the actual thing by clay precisely according to that design. I think I let my imagination ran too wildly, and I made a design of stacks of boxes and shopping bags (still in shopaholic-mood at that moment). I though I can do it easily, but soon I had problems. I started to ask my friends, "do you think this design is too much?". One of my friend says that it's very hard to make, with all of the details and complicated arangement of the boxes. But then another friend of mine said, "She can do it if she want to..".
Now when I think of it, that comment was probably the highest and the most inspiring compliment I have ever accepted. I CAN do it if I want to. but sometimes I'm just too lazy or too full of excuses. Sometimes I just gave up before even started to do something. So that stops now. From now on, I will be commited of what I'm doing, and that includes writing on this blog. :P

But apart from all of this crap about wanting to be number one, I really don't like it when I'm praised for something I don't deserve. being complimented is one thing. Taking somebody else's credit is a whole other thing. And I get that a lot lately. Like today, when it's time to paint the clay. I though I screwed it up by putting the wrong color to one of the bag and made the whole colors uneven. But somehow the teacher looked at my clay and told some of my art classmates that what I'm making is very good. I would be very happy to have heard that if I though that too. But I don't. Because my friend right next to me made THE most beautiful, the most realistic, the most amazing clay statue I have ever seen. She made a little girl. Her dress was so realistic that you could mistook it as a real fabric. Seriously. And what's more iritating is that some of my classmates came over my table to looked at my clay. Even some of 'em teased me for making 'the best clay statue in the whole class'. This is freakishly confusing. But I guess now it just moved me to really make the best clay statue there is. well, it doesn't really have to be the best. Just something that I can call one of my masterpieces. (remember my mario bros??)

btw, I was told by my friend that I have a very captivated and unique personality. And I can attract MANY boys if I can just loosen up my unreasonable panic attacks. well,,... good luck with that. lol. Also, I don't think I really want to make many boys to like me. I think,, I just want to make ONE particular subject of those sub-species that does. -^^-
Now I just need to figure out how. I mean, I don't even know him.
hmmmm....