boy, oh boy..

Today, I just found out about something..

my crush,, he is currently close with someone.. and from what I've heard they have gone out for a view times.. dont know if they went together with their friends or just the two of them.. and to tell you the truth, it doesn't really matter to me.. the point is, they are already THAT close..

well, that information frustrated me.. but the crazy thing is, just when I finnished telling myself to forget about him, he showed up right in front of me in a period of 2 hours, more than he ussually does in 2 weeks.. I wonder why does that always happen.. when I think he's not right for me, he suddenly suprises me and makes me even crazier about him..

At that time, I was thinking.. "What if he IS right for me? What if I wait a little longer he will fall for me? What if we are meant to be together??"


But just now I realized something.. "What if.." is all that I could think of since.., forever..
I don't need "What if..". I can't just think a fairytale's gonna happen to me just like that. I'm not saying that it won't happen, but still.. I don't want to miss my real fairytale while I'm trying to make one in my mind.. besides, all this time, I'm way too persistent. Even if some guy means more than the world to me, if God say no, there's nothing I can do, right??
BUT, that makes me think of another problem..
What if the person that is given for me is not what I think he should be? (see, again with the what if.. --")
I know that it would be for the best, but doesn't I deserve a guy whom I like?
I mean, come on.. I want someone that is MY type.. I know that this kind of thinking is not right, and I know that I'm SO selfish.. but don't tell me you doesn't think the same way as I do!!?!?!
We're teenagers.. I suppose It's fine to think like that, for now.. we'll grow up when it's time.. Right?? LOL

Last but not least, song lyrics.. X) this song was sang by Jesse McCartney. I think this is quite the right moment to put the lyrics in this posting. Well, here goes..

Just so you know

by: Jesse McCartney

I shouldn't love you

But I want to

I just can't turn away

I shouldn't see you

But I can't move

I can't look away

And I don't know

How to be fine when I'm not

'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]Just so you know

This feeling's taking control of me

And I can't help itI won't sit around

I can't let him win now

Thought you should know

I've tried my best to let go of you

But I don't want to

I just gotta say it all before I go

Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you

There's so much I can't say

Do you want me to hide the feelings

And look the other way

And I don't know

How to be fine when I'm not

'Cause I don't know

How to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me

I'm wondering why I've waited so long

Looking back, I realize it was always there just never spoken

I'm waiting here... Been waiting here...

[Chorus]